The other ones I got simply because I adore listening to them, but in this case, I also want to be able to return to the only redeeming aspect of the movie without having to force myself to actually watch it. Since this is the theoretical end of the franchise, I thought I'd end this review with my personal ranking of all of the Halloween movies I have watched. I may adjust it a tad eventually, as I am admittedly quite livid right now over being so let down by a movie I have been anticipating and speculating about for oh so long. The ones marked in yellow are ones I would say are must-watches, the ones in orange are good movies but not necessities, the ones in red are mediocre and best skipped, and the ones in maroon are only worth watching if you are an arthropod seeking an excuse to feel intellectually superior to humans.

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Alas, much like Hellraiser 7: Deader, an utterly incoherent PCP trip that has zilch to do with the franchise until a brief moment at the end where Pinhead peeks his head in just to see how things are going and to justify his actor's paycheque, Michael Myers feels so artificially, and pointlessly, shoe-horned into what is clearly Corey and Laurie's movie, that he may as well be a mall Santa showing up for duty at a funeral in Saudi Arabia in April. The once proud Shape has no real purpose in this movie besides providing an excuse for why everyone in Haddonfield is a mentally ill jackass, providing an excuse for Corey to go from a meek pacifist to a serial killer in less time than it takes people to prepare Thanksgiving dinner for their relatives, and finally dying a slow and humiliating death to fulfill Laurie Strode's masturbatory fantasy.

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The fact that a man that previously mowed down armed police officers, firefighters, and a lynch mob of dozens of people is taken down by an old lady is bad enough on its own, but it's made even moreso by the fact that their last encounter left a shotgun-wielding Laurie in the hospital on a ventilator, after she led Michael right into a death trap that she had spent 40 years perfecting. This Laurie was equipped with a kitchen knife and had completely moved on from Michael Myers to live a peaceful, ordinary life before he (and Corey) suddenly darkened her door. Of course, simply humiliating and gruesomely murdering the titan of the Halloween franchise isn't enough for this wretched movie. After he perishes from Laurie's abuse, the useless sheriff whose only apparent role in the reboot movies is to stand around glaring like an angry military general while contributing zilch to the plot (dear Bast, do I miss Sheriff Meeker from Halloween 4 and 5) finally shows up alongside Frank Hawkins and what appears to be the entire police force.

Michael himself only makes sporadic cameo appearances before finally appearing at the end just to die a humiliating and nonsensical death. More on all of this later. At the root of this movie's endless stream of flaws, which I will delve into in detail, is that it's not a Halloween movie in anything but name; it's a Christine movie awkwardly cobbled together from Halloween characters which are thoughtlessly squeezed like pawns into whatever roles they need to be in, consistency and coherency be damned. This is not hyperbole on any level; the director, David Gordon Green himself compared the movie to Christine and admitted to being inspired by it. And when you examine the plots of the two movies, the similiarities are uncanny, right down to the antagonist's names (Corey Cunningham vs. For those unaware, Christine is a horror movie about a murderous supernatural car named Christine that befriends a meek and bespectacled teenage boy and turns him into a confident but mentally ill man who discards his glasses, strikes up a relationship with a pretty woman, and joins in on Christine's murderous proclivities before the two of them are killed.